Sometimes I wonder why there are so many bad people in this world. Every time I think about it, I get inside an avalanche of thoughts and never-ending questions with no answers.
Since very young, I have always convinced myself that in every single careless attitude must exist a reason or an explanation. I refused to believe in solely rude souls.
I always tried to see the other side of evil. I always tried to build hope in every single person, believing that they might have a story behind their inhumanity. No, I was not stupid, but I was naive. Innocent; Maybe I was too young? Maybe I haven't seen enough? Maybe.
It wasn't all roses and butterflies, but I used to live as a happy child. Until one day. Until the day my world collapsed; until someone messed up with my balance; until someone destroyed my soul. Henceforward, I lived in a body that I didn't love anymore. In a soul that I was hating all the time; even and despite not saying it to anyone. I kept it all for me. Smiling outside, crying inside - and well, that was the second point of my self-destruction.
With time, depressive thoughts and anxious feelings become two of my worst nightmares; Messy mind, dormant body, racing heart; A vast amount of emotions that I couldn't handle alone. I wasn't myself anymore. I was waking up every day with incommensurable emptiness, feeling lost, and some days without knowing what I was actually doing alive.
So, the following years I had to Re-Built a home for myself, to Re-Shape a soul, Re-Raise the faith.
To create someone from the ashes can be a tough deal, such as find meaning in this shitty empty world. So I focused on the ones that I loved; I focused on my goals, on my dreams. And I tried not to create a wall, but a bridge between what I used to be and what I was becoming.
I changed. I grew. I learned. I overcame.
I switched my straw house by a stronger one to protect myself. To stay sane.
And listen, changing and protecting yourself doesn't mean that you have fewer feelings or are less sensitive, or even that you won't get hurt anymore. It only means that you're more prepared to deal with the storms; That you are tougher.
Yes, It's lovely to believe in goodness, but when you experience the darkness, it becomes hard to see it pretty. Life's not simple, and neither are we; and it looks unfair, isn't it? When you feel that someone drained and taken everything from you. When you lost your trust in humanity in a single ''flash'', just because the ''evil ones'' sadly fell into your life.
But hey, they haven't stolen everything from me, and so they haven't from you! They haven't stolen your endless will, your immeasurable hope, your unlimited strength to be and to become!
So look inside, pick up the soul shovel and dig in if you need to - you have an infinite world to discover within; you have all the tools and everything you need right inside of you!
1 - Feel.
If you want to cry, don't stop yourself from doing it. It makes part of the process of healing. So if you want to cry, or scream, CRY and SCREAM. Feel it ALL, in the deep of your heart. I can only promise you that it'll make you feel so much better.
2- Rebuild at your own pace.
You don't have a set time to heal. Healing has ups and downs. Goes back and forward. So take whatever the time you need. Days, months or years. Greatness is not built in a rush, but with care, patience and love.
3 - Learn to love yourself better.
When you spend so many years unloving yourself, you start to value each victory like it is the first. So, know that small steps lead to great achievements. Know that you are no less valuable because of your past, scars or flaws. You are special. You are worthy.
Sometimes I still wonder why there are so many bad people in this world. Every time I think about it, I get inside an avalanche of thoughts and never-ending questions with no answers. And then I smile to myself because there are good people out there too; and because I do my very best, every day, to be one of them. To bring lightness, kindness and awareness. Because Change begins within each of us.